In Praise of Defences.

A black and white photo of Holly taken by the author. The Woodland Trust say that "holly trees adjust their spiky armour in response to hungry animals and changing environments". What a cool defence mechanism!

Oftentimes, people enter therapy with specific goals of change. 

They want to stop procrastinating, or reduce overwhelm, or feel less angry or actually feel like they want to live. They come to challenge the processes that get in the way of their goals: to break them down, break through them, get to the other side where things would feel, and be, better. 

There is an understandable desire for people to find the right tool or technique which will eliminate the ‘issue’ so they can achieve change. This often oversimplifies what is actually a complex psychological process whereby what gets in the way of goals which they want with one part of the self, are actually, other parts of themself which don't agree. These other parts act as psychological defences which feel like barriers to a desired outcome but are actually valid parts of self that cannot simply be ‘removed’.

These ‘defensive’ parts will be considered in different ways by different theories, Transactional Analysis might think about conflict between ego states; Internal Family Systems describe inner managers and firefighters or my favourite from Therapeutic Shamanism which call them Fort-holder parts. 

The key thing to remember is that these defensive parts work really hard to attempt to keep you safe, to hold the fort, keep the show on the road and keep you going. 

What are psychological defences?

Very often formed in childhood, when people have little choice or option to change their situation, these defensive parts help you to learn to suppress your anger at a situation, swallow your grief or deny your needs and wants. They don't want you to rupture your relationships with your caregivers because you need to stay close to them to stay physically safe, to stay alive. 

Showing your anger might get you told off, sharing your sadness might lead to you being shamed or your care giver feeling overwhelmed and becoming less available or both. 

All of these things are potentially dangerous to young children who need to be fed, who need to avoid harm in sophisticated ways because they don't have the ability or resources to do something for themselves or in the worst case scenarios to leave and go elsewhere.

These defensive parts and their hard working defensive actions need our utmost thanks and praise. They were helpful, vital even. 

Therapy, at least in the way I see it, should not be a place where these defensive parts and defensive strategies are themselves dismissed, shamed or chucked aside. 

They need to be highlighted, understood, thanked and then, if they are no longer required, sent into a peaceful and restful retirement. 

How to work with psychological defences?

Any which way you want to acknowledge and understand defensive parts and their strategies, I believe it is an essential part of working with those parts of self. Only when you know them can you encourage them to take a back seat and retire so that you can get on with what you want to get on with. 

Without this understanding, defensive parts dig in, they double down and actually often take up more space and therefore get more in the way of what other parts of you may wish to do. 

If you no longer have to hide your anger then you can have it, move on and then be free to do something else instead. 

You can finally grieve your losses and take the next step in your journey unhindered. 

You can name your preferences, wants and needs and realise that your survival no longer depends on the people around you and that you can make a lot of that stuff actually happen for yourself and if others don’t like it, then that’s their problem not yours.

To do this, you have to give your defensive parts the time and space to realise that the situation is different and just like Marie Kondo described when supporting people to let go of physical objects, you need to thank them for their service: “If you’re letting go of something you’ve used extensively, thank it for its service and for enhancing your life,” 

Part of the process of working with and beyond these defensive parts of self involves spending  time embracing the inner resistance. You need to view it as the information that it is and then understand and be patient with it. Once it feels heard and understood then you’ll be able to move on without it desperately trying to save you from a situation it thinks you haven't perceived. 

I have lost count of the number of times I have found myself talking about psychological defences and how valuable they can be  and then declared, to supervisees, students, clients: one day I'm going to write an article called ‘In praise of defences’. 

Until I began to write this I never have: one of my defences has been against connecting to physical reality and not putting my own thoughts and feelings into action. Action I

undertake has often been responsive rather than internally driven, so just saying it, knowing that the blog post was in my head, seemed like enough. 

Recently I said it again to my personal trainer and being my personal trainer, who I am working with so I do things, embodied things for myself, rather than just think about them, she challenged me to put it actually into action, so here it is! Thanks Mia!

Proof that if you’re patient enough, respect the defences enough, let those fort holder parts feel safe enough, then they will stand down eventually.